It may come as no surprise to know that a lot of us take on other people’s stuff. Yes, I teach Shadow Work and yes, it is vital to the wellbeing and growth of ourselves and our relationships to recognize our triggers and own our feelings. AND we don’t need to take on other people’s stuff. If someone is rude to us, critical, annoying, or judgemental we don’t need to make that about us. We can recognize it for what it is … their stuff!
Think about how many times you have been in a bad mood or have something pressing on your mind that keeps you from being really present with others. You might let a door swing shut behind you without looking to see if someone is coming through. You might ignore someone’s calls because you can’t muster up the energy to listen. You might give someone spontaneous feedback without thinking of the impact it will have. We have all done this to others and so, naturally, others are doing it to us.
So why do we blame or question ourselves when this happens? The answer can be found in a buried belief that we are usually at fault or that we must be lacking in some way to be treated like this. Both of these reactions are based on what we believe about ourselves and don’t have anything to do with the other person. In fact, they may not have any clue that we are taking on their stuff. Does that sound crazy? It should.
It is astounding how many people take responsibility for other people’s behaviour and make it about themselves. The best way to avoid feeling offended or distressed by someone else’s words or actions is to be clear on what your own values and truth are. If you are honest and accepting of yourself you will have no reason to think that you are to blame for someone else’s negativity. Just imagine how much renewed energy you will have for all the things you DO want in your life when you stop taking on other people’s stuff.
Ms. Daryl Wood, is the founder and leader of the Women’s Wisdom Retreats held in beautiful Tobermory, Ontario. She is a published author, Certified Professional Co-Active Coach, Certified TED* Practitioner, passionate student of life and so much more. Stay tuned for future guest posts from this passionate and amazing coach, teacher and author!